Old age and youth

Lately, I have been missing you
Feeling the absence of your warmth
in this cold winter breeze,
I am apologetic
For when you were here
In the hot afternoons of the summer
I missed you out,
And I feel bad for another
Who had missed me so
long back in my youth.

Now I know your sorrow
I know that I have hurt you
But I hope you also know
That I love you like I loved the another
And still do,
And I miss both of you,
I miss my old age and my youth.

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Joke

It’s funny how we live by
Killing parts of each other slowly
Murdering each other as we slowly die

It’s almost a joke
This sense of an incomplete loss
To fail to gain something we always had
Trying to be our own boss
(Aren’t we already?)

It’s funny how we dream
For a life, which is already present, in future
Forgetting that no matter how big and beautiful a it maybe; it’s always a river downstream

It’s almost really a joke
How we try to find ourselves in the past,
Forgetting to live now
Failing to leave an imprint that would ever last.

Oh silence,

Oh silence, my nearest and dearest
My only, and perpetual friend,
You stay amidst the presence of all
In my heart, hidden
Like the breeze is always upon the see
It’s a matter of if you feel or not;

Oh silence, my closest of acquaintances
You are there when no one is
Accompanying me when I am alone
And a considerate friend you are
Always awarding space to my thoughts;

Oh silence, my trustworthy and selfless companion
You never want and you never deceive
No misconception or misunderstanding
have I ever felt in your presence
You stay what you are and you let me be;

Oh silence, the medicine to all my woes
I never need an invitation,
And you always pay heed to my call,
In such statute-like stagnance you dwell with me
Yet never ask me to leave;

Oh silence, none but on you I can rely
And be at peace with the consolation,
You share all my secrets
And tell no one,
You embrace all the tears I cry,
And though I am a cripple at heart,
The day when I can no longer live
On your invisible wings, I shall fly.

 

Pendulum

On one side dwells the dark
On the other side shines the light
Between them I oscillate like a pendulum
Unaware, which one’s there and which one’s not;

Which side should I crawl to?
The light shimmers so much
I can’t open my eyes,
The darkness looks at me,
invites me, like a friend, towards itself,
And the hinge that keeps me held
is slowly loosening;

Should I wait for it to get undone?
And see where I land,
Because here where I hang
Between light and dark
Life is but unsure
and only death seems certain,
Rest all is just a farce,
A petty game of chance.

Melancholy

I don’t know what to tell you
If you were really listening,
What do I write if I have to, need to
Would you really read, and more than would you understand
That nothing is right in my life
Right now,
All is just wrong
Right now,
I feel lowest than I have ever felt
Right now,
I feel more than depressed
Right now,
I am lost more than I have even been
Right now,
I am so detached that I can hear my heart’s din
Right now,
I just want to away
Right now,
I don’t want to live anymore
Right now,
Wish I had the courage to die.

Like Always

I just feel sad
So sad, and empty
As those ancient hallways,
Which are lost to ruins and cannot be walked upon;
an emptiness that is in front of the eyes and still unseen,
This silence that reigns over
is so silent, and dumb
That I feel as if I am a corpse
reposing, slowly decomposing in a coffin,
And though it sounds,
and feels disturbing
It is also only the usual
This sorrow, this emptiness
These hallways and the coffin,
This decaying existence- so usual
It fails to make a difference to me,
To me it just feels like run-of-the-mill,
To me this just feels like always.

Anatomy

Where is my heart?
Not sure it’s in me
I used to have a mind
But I lost it to insanity,

And now my soul
wanders in a desert of feelings
That stretches on
to nothing, to infinity.

What have I become?
Sure not someone’s dream
Feel like a blind
Lost in a storm inside the sea.

Nowhere to begin, no place to reach
And now my existence
Feels like its lost
to nothing, to infinity.