Still here

I assumed that I was strong
Once again I was wrong,
I thought that the sticks of hope will do the trick,
Since there’s no fireplace here outside,
But the wind of your memories
Won’t let the flames stay,
And leave me in the cold to shiver
Blowing all the warmth away,

And I claimed that my head was sane
But it could not so remain,
And I sit here on this island of rocks,
With a deranged head, and a grieving heart,
In future I see infinity, though
My feet are ready to walk backwards
Time won’t let me go back to the start.

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Winters

 

When I walk at dawn,
Darkened by clouds bleak
Still dreaming about the previous night,

The cold wind becomes my second skin, the dogs stare at me like drunks still in their slumber,
And the crows cry out my name,

When the early wakers walk by and greet with cold gazes as strangers do,
which they are,
I feel then an urge, a longing for you
Then I wish that winters were a little warm
And every step I take from cold to cold
I long for warmth, and your hand to hold.

While at work
When I strike my hammer on the faces of stones,
In the light without the sun

Amidst the groans of rocks as they become their ghosts,
And the people I don’t imagine or intend to ever know

Thoughts of yours begin to take hold
And when I fail to shoo them away,
I wish that winters were a little less cold.

Finally, when I rest upon my bed
To sleep off the tiredness that rules my days
To rid for few fleeting moments, at least, my mind from the remorse, the despair
That have already stained the fabric of my soul, now, corrupt at its core,

Morpheus refuses me to enter his reign of blissful, temporary death
And memory shows illusions of your presence

I shrivel up, hugging my head
And hope that winters in my grave, are not this cold.

Old age and youth

Lately, I have been missing you
Feeling the absence of your warmth
in this cold winter breeze,
I am apologetic
For when you were here
In the hot afternoons of the summer
I missed you out,
And I feel bad for another
Who had missed me so
long back in my youth.

Now I know your sorrow
I know that I have hurt you
But I hope you also know
That I love you like I loved the another
And still do,
And I miss both of you,
I miss my old age and my youth.

Melancholy

I don’t know what to tell you
If you were really listening,
What do I write if I have to, need to
Would you really read, and more than would you understand
That nothing is right in my life
Right now,
All is just wrong
Right now,
I feel lowest than I have ever felt
Right now,
I feel more than depressed
Right now,
I am lost more than I have even been
Right now,
I am so detached that I can hear my heart’s din
Right now,
I just want to away
Right now,
I don’t want to live anymore
Right now,
Wish I had the courage to die.

MALICE

My mind has grown hands
And they have popped out of my skull
And the claw-like fingers
Are squeezing my neck
Choking me, suffocating, slicing me slowly
And no matter where I walk
Which side I put my head to sleep
These hands refuse leave.

Weeping and sweating
Withered and moaning
Is the straggled cry of a memory
Walking circles in a time that is over
Tracing onto foot prints trodden
Hoping to profoundly discover
Sailing on to the same shores forever

GO AWAY! shouts a soul to a mind weary and heart dry

And I light a smoke
Let the rings sing
As my heart tries to match your beat
and I am happy that a long time ago
you died,
And soon I’ll join you in the cold
Where neither life or death survives.

Before My Eyes Burn

 

Would you come now?
It’s getting late, and the sun is about to set;
I haven’t seen you with my open eyes
I cannot remember since when,
Would you come now?
Find me, follow the light;
Claim the part in my life that you have earned.
And if you intend to
Then look up in the sky and follow the smoke,
My heart is ash now;
Find me before my eyes begin to burn.